In the Throes of a Crisis

17 Jul

With all the problems facing the world today, it’s no wonder my mother-in-law is in the throes of a crisis.  I know what you’re thinking…you don’t want to be reminded again about the state of our economy and how we’re all doomed.  That is what the news is for, right?  Side note:  I’m talking to you, Today Show.  Thank you for the every five minute reminder that our economic system is in the toilet.  I mean, I almost forgot that when I filled my car up with gas and the total was $983.


Back to the crisis.  Last night, the “MIL” stopped by for a chat while the hubs grilled us up some supper (aka, he was in charge of our nightly meal).  Anyway, she’s there and we are talking about this and that – you know, nothing in particular, just idle chatter.  And then, out of nowhere, she gets this serious look on her face and reports, “I am in a mayonnaise crisis.”

Beg your pardon?  Did she say mayonnaise crisis?  Yes.  Yes, she did.  Apparently this has been going on for a while now.  Why she hasn’t sought comfort from us before now is beyond me.

Most folks in my neck of the woods use Duke’s Mayonnaise, but my mother-in-law has tired of this brand.  It should be noted that there was a look of shock on my husband’s face when she expressed this.  It was as if she said she was lying to him all these years and she was really born in New York City.  (A Yankee?  Gasp!)  People in the South have strong feelings about their mayo.  Maybe it’s because we’ll put it in anything.  Chicken salad, potato salad, broccoli salad, fruit salad, pasta salad, deviled eggs, coleslaw, pimento cheese – and these are the “normal things” we put it in.  My mom is quite proud of her “before dinner appetizer” of canned pears (cut in half), a dollop of Duke’s mayo, and a topping of grated extra sharp cheddar cheese.  We had this at least twice a week in my house growing up.  Or, as a snack, she would slice a banana down the middle (why the half servings of fruit?  too healthy to eat the whole thing?), spread on a thin layer of mayo, and top it with peanuts.  Don’t get me wrong, both of these things were (and remain) delicious, but it’s a miracle that I haven’t been on Lipitor since I was 5.

I will keep you updated on the “crisis situation” – and if you have any suggestions, please, send them my way.  It’s summertime, and a tomato sandwich sans mayo is just…depressing.
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2 Responses to “In the Throes of a Crisis”

  1. vwetzel July 21, 2008 at 6:37 pm #

    Okay!! I must admit something as well. I don’t like Dukes Mayo!!!!!!!!! I try to keep this a secret as much as possible because I feel like I will no longer be Southern if anyone finds out. I use Hellman’s on anything and everything. GOSH….I feel better getting that out. Thanks for allowing me to express my true feelings Mandi!!

  2. Ben July 29, 2008 at 5:13 pm #

    I have made a pact with myself that I will never buy any other mayo other than Dukes. No matter how poor I ever get, there will only be Dukes Mayo in my fridge.

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