I Hate What You’re Wearing

22 Sep

The offender:  America Ferrera

The item(s) in question:  Dress and Hair, 2008 Emmy Awards

My thoughts:  It has always been my belief that we vertically challenged women should stick together.  Therefore, it is out of love and concern that I tell you this:  that dress makes you look frumpy, dumpy and about three inches tall.  First of all, I’m not sure who fitted you, but here’s a news flash – it doesn’t fit.  It’s too big, darling, and consequently looks like you went to Publix, grabbed a few Hefty bags, taped them together and hopped in a limo.  Secondly, the length.  Good Lord the length.  Here are your options from now on:  to the floor, gracing the top of the knee or, above the knee.  Calf length is not an option for any occasion, except maybe yoga, for people of our stature.  Lastly, the hair.  I know what you were going for, and while the Old Hollywood look is quite classy, yours turned out a bit frizzy.  I don’t love it.

The solution:  A to-the-floor fitted dress or above-the-knee loosely fitted dress, very tall heels, and sleek straight hair.

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