A Letter

11 May

Dear Jesse James,
First of all, is that your real name? I Googled it, and apparently it is – but every time I hear it, I sing that Cher song in my head, so it’s hard to take you seriously.

When Sandra Bullock married you a few years back, I was confused. I mean, I guess you have that whole “bad boy” thing going for you, but let’s face it: Sandy used to date Matthew McConaughey. You, JJ, are no McConaughey. Eventually, though, you won me over as the converted bad boy turned devoted husband and father. I watched you on The Celebrity Apprentice and I found myself rooting for you, especially when you sat Dennis Rodman down and attempted to get him into rehab. I thought, “That Jesse James is a pretty good guy.”

Well. Perhaps you should have been the one nominated for an Oscar.

Listen Jesse, I’m going to tell you what everyone else on Earth is thinking: You screwed up. You screwed up big time. You know how people always give the unlikely statistics that one will win the lottery? Well, you did – once. And you went and threw it all away for some woman who goes by the name “Bombshell.” Beautiful, philanthropic, Academy Award winning actress….or racist stripper? Good choice, Jesse.

Please start reevaluating the choices you make, starting with your hair.
Love,
M

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One Response to “A Letter”

  1. Anonymous May 13, 2010 at 10:07 pm #

    What did she see in him anyway?

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