A Letter

Dear People of Earth,
I’m going to begin this by telling you all that I’m far from perfect. I have, from time to time, made a mistake or 1000. That said, I’ve got some things I need to get off my chest.

Please refrain from using the word “christian” when it’s convenient for you. It’s one massive statement for you to call yourself Christ-like. If you claim to be Christ-like, you better be able to back that statement up with more than one example. And, “I didn’t call so-and-so a stupid slut” isn’t one of ’em. I’m going to need a resume and cover letter to go along with that Christ-like proclamation. Oh, and references that do not include your grandma.

Moving right along, if you’re a guy and you take a girl on a date, why not go the extra few steps and open the door for her? Opening doors, fellas – it might just open a door for you, if you know what I’m sayin’. This is 2010, and while you don’t always have to pick up the check, you do always have to open the door(s).

Also, if at all possible, please RSVP when you’re asked to. If it says “regrets only” they really mean that. If you don’t ask for an RSVP, here’s a news flash: You are not going to get one.

Finally, and we’ve been over this a million times and I know you’re tired of hearing it, but I feel the sudden need to reiterate it. Putting your personal business all over the Facebook is not acceptable. I don’t care how much you hate your ex, and I don’t want to read about your ingrown hairs or see photos of your bloody broken off fingernail. Take that shiz back to MySpace, ok?
Love,
M