Things I Hate: The Elf on the Shelf

11 Dec

With the holiday season comes many wonderful things.  Christmas decorations and music, yummy baking, holiday parties, spiked eggnog, etc.  The one thing the season brings, however, that makes me cringe is…that a-hole called the “Elf on the Shelf.”

Before you hop to passing judgement on me, please note that 1) I don’t give a damn what you think and 2) I realize that almost every kid has one and that it creates happy memories.  Now please refer back to #1.

The Elf on the Shelf was created so kids would behave – “he” watches what you do and reports back to Santa.  Yet, the elf is naughty when the kids aren’t around.  He does things like “makes it snow” on your dining room table by throwing baking soda everywhere.  Holy contradiction.  Be good, children!  Don’t dare be like your naughty and hilarious elf.  Yeah, good luck with that.  Try smoking weed in front of your kids and then telling them not to do it.  They will definitely be high school dropouts.  Really, what kind of normal parents have time for crap like that?  I can barely keep up with the laundry and making sure the couch isn’t covered in dog hair, much less make a mess, blame it on an elf, take photos of it to put on Facebook so everyone can see what a fun parent I am…and then clean up the mess I, er – the Elf, made.  Even if I had the time, I’d fill it with something else.  Like getting my nails done, or cooking.  Or getting my nails done.

Kids have a hard enough time dealing with the fact that their parents lied to them about Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, etc.  Throw in an Elf who interacts with you the entire month of December…and I’m pretty sure you’ll be paying for counseling later.

A good friend of mine sent me this blog post a year ago, and it made me laugh out loud numerous times.  It includes an annoying 101 Fun Ideas to do with your Elf list.  Enjoy, and remember – it’s not the Elf your kids should be worried about watching them.  It’s you.  Or, Jesus.  Don’t give that little sh*t so much power.

One Response to “Things I Hate: The Elf on the Shelf”

  1. Jennifer Valencia December 18, 2013 at 4:23 pm #

    I was searching on line to find other people besides me who hate the elf – I loved your post! It’s always nice to find someone else who feels the same way. I blogged recently about the elf and the way we “enjoy” it in my family (pics not entirely PG, just to let you know, lol. Not X, but not….PG.) Thanks for the fun read! -Jennifer Valencia

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