A Letter

19 Apr

Dear Teenage Girls,

I realize that anyone who lectures you is wasting their breath, but I’m gonna give it a go.  First of all, taking 60 photos of yourself per day is not only annoying, it’s not attractive.

Secondly, documenting every single thing you do is ridiculous.  Before Facebook, Instagram and Twitter (those days DID exist), we actually ate ice cream or painted our nails without telling everyone we were doing it.  Here’s the thing: Your everyday life is boring. Don’t take that personally, because mine is, too.  But I don’t Tweet about mine.  If you have something funny to say, say it.  But do not, for the love of all that is holy, post that you, “r soooooooooo bored. lol 😉 <3” because no one cares.

I would also appreciate it if you would take some of the makeup off your face (less is more), wear SPF (wrinkles last longer than tan lines), say please and thank you (saying, “I’m good” is not the same as “no thanks”), hold your shoulders back (slouching does not a confident woman make), use spell check and adhere to the following rules when it comes to taking photographs: rule 1) no gang signs, rule 2) no duck faces (whatever happened to smiling at the camera?).

Keep in mind that teenage girls should never listen to teenage boys.  They are stupid.  They will ask you to do things that are stupid, too, so don’t fall for it.  Here’s a little something to remember: if you wouldn’t want what you do/did to be the lead story on the news…don’t do it.

There will come a day in your life when you realize that One Direction’s music sucked and that your attitude towards your parents did, too.  Until then, try to be as lady-like as possible.  Don’t curse, because at this age, you really don’t have anything to curse about.  (Drop the f-bomb later in life when you can’t get detention for it.)  Smoking and drinking are obviously not options, and neither are shorts or skirts that don’t cover your behind.


p.s. It’s shocking, I know, but I was your age once.  I, too, thought that the world revolved around me.  But let me let you in on a little secret: it does not.  So get over yourself, put down your iPhone and read a book or something.  That iPhone won’t get you into college, sweetheart.

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