The Adventure in The Pines

My angel of a dog, Wallace, is pretty much like my child. No, not pretty much…he is my child. You can roll your eyes if you want to, but I’m pretty sure I love my dog as much as you love your kid (if you have one, that is).

My friend Meigs once told me that I was “that mom” when it comes to him, and I was offended. But truth be told…I am. I measure his food so he gets just the right amount, never allow him people food, give him a specific number of treats a day, make him take vitamins, only walk him on a leash, let him sleep in the bed with me, ride in the car with me, and wear monogrammed clothing. The dog has no clue he’s a dog.

That is why this Sunday, when he decided to run off with two of his doggie friends…I became a crazy person. He was on his runner when his collar snapped and he realized he was “free.” Since he is named for Scotland’s William Wallace I just giggled out loud imagining him saying to his friends, “They’ll never take…OUR FREEDOM!” Anyway, I couldn’t catch him (and never saw the other dogs with him) – but I went chasing after him in the woods nonetheless. And, it should be pointed out that I do not “do” woods. Ever. I don’t like to camp, I don’t like snakes, I don’t like extreme weather, this list could go on and on, so I’ll stop. Point being, I am not outdoorsy. So, I’m searching and yelling and looking – but he’s nowhere in sight. My sister-in-law walks down to the house to tell us that her dogs are missing, too. Ah ha, a planned escape. Those little brats.

Now, I’ve mentioned several times that I live in a small town, but I’m not so sure I’ve mentioned where in a small town. There are acres of woods (with hunters who have guns in them), open fields, donkeys, ostriches, and of course, a highway nearby. Panicked does not even begin to describe me. Hysterical comes close – along with blubbering psychotic person.

For several hours, we looked. My family came to help. They brought their dogs to try and “sniff” him out. It seemed hopeless. I was not to be deterred, though. I was finding my dog, even if that meant freezing to death in the godforsaken woods of Georgia. I would not listen to negativity. Sure, it didn’t look good – he was lost in the woods with no collar and no survival skills. Seriously, Wallace would see a coyote and think, “Hi there! Where’s your shirt with initials on it?” Maybe it is my eternal optimism, or maybe it was that if I thought for a second he wouldn’t be home at dark I would burst into tears…but I just knew we could find him. Wrong.

Hours after he took off on what will now be known as “The Adventure in The Pines,” he found me. I was on my way back to our house, tears rolling again, when I heard a commotion behind me. When I turned around, I saw a little white dog flying towards me with his ears back and a smile on his face. (That’s right, he smiles.) I scooped him up and have struggled to let go of him since. His “gang members” were behind him – and returned safely to their home, never to visit ours again. They were all exhausted, as if they’d walked for miles. It leaves me wondering what they did, in fact, do. Did they chase other animals? Did they run and play with each other? Did they just sit around nearby watching and laughing at our search?

I guess I’ll never know, but this morning when WW was on his runner – he began barking towards my sister-in-law’s house, and her dog proceeded to return barks. I’m certain they’re planning another adventure, but I’ve got news for them: I’ve discovered the doggie harness. That’s right, my dog is staying right where I can see him. Forever.

On a serious note, if you have a dog and keep it on a runner, please look into getting him/her a harness. Collars can choke your dog or snap off of them. We were lucky to find our beloved pet, but this could’ve easily ended badly. A harness is a simple solution – tell other pet owners!