Black Sheep

26 Jan

This weekend, while off shopping with the moms, she informed me that I’d be taking a self defense class with my cousin. You know, because there are tons of dangerous criminals in the town of 5 that we live in.

Just to make her happy, though, I agreed. My roundhouse kick could use a little fine tuning, so why not? But then, she said something that made the Democrat in me flinch. “Also, your daddy called me last week, and he’s decided that he is going to purchase you a gun. It’ll be a small one, he says it will fit in your purse. And, you’ll have to have a permit for it…oh, and…he wants you to take some lessons on how to shoot it, too.”

Um, huh? Do I have a stalker that I’m unaware of? Is someone sending me death threats? I am very confused.

Furthermore, and I don’t know that my dad will ever truly accept this, but I’m pretty much not a Republican. I know, it makes me feel less Southern just typing it, but it’s the truth. I am in favor of gun control. And you all know how I feel about gay marriage. Let ’em get married and get divorced like the rest of us, right? Right? Anyway, I don’t know how to break it to my dear ole’ dad, but I do not think I’ll have an NRA card in my wallet any time soon.

So, I’m going to work up my courage and call my dad tonight (speech in hand) and say the following:
“Hey, Dad. So, mom mentioned to me that you want me to pack some heat around town, and while that is very Sarah Palin of you, I don’t know if anyone would benefit from that. I can barely work my new BlackBerry, so the thought of me pulling out my nine and bustin’ a cap should scare the hell out of you and anyone in the surrounding three counties.”

I’ll spend the next 20 or so minutes explaining to him what a BlackBerry is, and defending why I would sign a two-year contract with any cell phone carrier. This will be followed by lengthy a second amendment lecture, and him reminding me that my brother would also be horrified by my position. Count. On. It.

3 Responses to “Black Sheep”

  1. Southern Girl January 28, 2009 at 4:00 am #

    I don’t know what upsets me more…you being a Democrat or not wanting a gun?!?! 😉 Of course, I’m joking…BUT, I ,”heart” my little gun and living alone in a large city…it’s not a bad idea. Of course, I’m not always packing the heat…PS…my dad didn’t really give me an option…he just gave me the gun and a few lessons and we both know how alike our dads are (M doesn’t know what a BB is either…)! Good luck!

  2. Mandi January 28, 2009 at 2:37 pm #

    Hey, hey…I said “not Republican” – that is as far as I’ll go for now, little lady.Our dads really are the same person. High waters, anyone? Not to mention their uncanny ability to never censor themselves and always embarrass us.That reminds me – do you remember during our high school football games – my dad walking directly in front of the “student section” and yelling, “MANDI! MANDI! HEY MANDI! GO BIG RED!” He did it every time. Every single time.Mortified.

  3. Southern Girl January 29, 2009 at 1:23 am #

    I beg your forgiveness on my misunderstanding of your political ties…I laughed for at least 20 minutes straight thinking of your dad waving and yelling at you at the football games…thank you for that bit of humor.

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