Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

One time, right after college, when I was living on the Isle of Palms with my girlfriends, we had one of those conversations where we discussed all the things we could’ve done, would’ve done, and should’ve done while we were in college. It reminded us of an episode of Sex and The City that we had watched (repeatedly, I might add – we had every season on DVD – including one season we “borrowed” from our guy friends because we figured guys didn’t have any business owning a season of SATC anyway) called, “Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda.” The list of things we talked about (and wrote down, like idiots) will never go public, as most of the things on said list were quite controversial. And although our coulda woulda’s were mostly about silly boys (and not about real life goals or plans), it was a fun night…and it still makes us laugh to this day.

While I was in Washington, DC, this week for work, I thought about the “coulda, woulda, shoulda” concept in a more serious way than before. Being there at 29, I realized that there was something that I wish I would have done, could have done, and should have done – but I did not do. And suddenly, it seems, the chance has passed me by. Even though the thought had crossed my mind before, this was the first time that I realized that I would never actually be able to accomplish something I had wanted to. This, my friends, was tough to take.

The first time I visited DC was on a trip with my mom, brother and my Aunt Betty. I was in the 8th grade, and I thought I had died and gone to heaven. The walking around endlessly to see every tourist spot imaginable was excruciating, and I can recall a pretty ugly argument between my brother and I outside the Hard Rock Cafe…but I left Washington with one thought: I will live here one day because I will work in one of these government buildings where all the “action” happens.

I’ve accomplished many things that I’m proud of, even surprised about, but I’ve never lived in DC and I doubt I ever will. (I mean, I guess could run for office one day, but then there’s that pesky list out there…and that kind of puts and end to that.) And even though I’m ok with that, it’s still a sad realization that I’m past the point in my life where I could go anywhere, do anything, and just let things fall into place once I got there.

Sigh, I’m all grown up now. Old and responsible. It’s not so bad, really, but I suddenly have the urge to be 21 again. Not for long, mind you, just a weekend. Charleston, anyone?