Snippets From My Inbox(es)

Text message from a friend, regarding an anonymous comment on this blog:
May I say…Anon#1 is a total doctor of douche. What a fool. Love you girl. I bet that person totally thinks real life is like a stupid romantic comedy. Um, reality called…this is not Sleepless in Seattle. Step away from your ball-less anonymous status and show your face. Who do you think you are, the f-ing Wizard of Oz? Grow a set and say what you need to say face-to-face, b*tch. And, p.s. – I bet you take your fashion advice from Tyra Banks.

Text message to Cecilia on 1/18 at 6:24pm:
[Explicative]. My ex is going to the same wedding I am this weekend, with a girl who looks like a model. I need a shot. I’m in the tanning bed right now.

Text message to Cecilia on 1/24 at 12:25pm:
I survived the wedding, and I looked h-o-t. Think I broke my tail snap.

Blackberry messaging with Ben, regarding photos that were tagged of us on Facebook:
Ben: We look terrible in those photos. A couple of the ones of you are good. Mine are all bad.
Me: I mean, if I were you I would de-tag. I say that with love.

Email from Anna Beth, in response to me asking her what she would like for breakfast while staying the weekend with me:
I require coffee…that’s about it. I typically use Splenda and skim milk but I can be flexible on those two things as long as there’s coffee. For breakfast, I usually eat an egg, a piece of wheat toast and an apple but I can be flexible with that too…as long as there’s coffee. Don’t buy anything special for me to eat…I can eat anything, really…as long as there’s coffee. I am so excited!
(Do you think the girl needs her coffee, or is it optional?)