Never Say Never

I think I said a time or 2,000 that I would never change my name again.  Well, I lied.

I’ve been putting off the trip to the Social Security office because, as someone pointed out earlier today, that place smells like people.  And people stink.  They either:  a) don’t bathe often enough or b) wear a gallon of cologne.  Neither is ideal.

Today, as I sat with my number (S76), I looked around at all the people there at 1:20 in the afternoon.  What are all of these people doing?  Have you ever thought about that?  It’s not like the Social Security office is busier at certain times of the year – it’s always slammed.  What the heck is everyone doing there?  (I guess there’s a possibility that the females are like me and change their name all the time, but there are far more men there than women.)  And, why do they feel the need to sit down in a row, then get up, then sit back down on the same row again?  Furthermore, when did these offices become so high tech?  My technologically challenged dad would not be able to handle it.  You walk in, use a touch screen menu and out pops a number.  The screen tells you to take a seat and wait for your number to be called.  No person talks to you at all.  You wait, on average, for 20-30 minutes and then a loudspeaker calls your number and directs you to a window.  (My window was F, as in Frank.  And yes, they said that.  I was thinking another f-word would have been more appropriate, but I digress.)

After I answered a few questions (from an actual human at Window F) and provided my marriage certificate, I was one step closer to having a new Social Security card.  The lady did feel the need to remind me, however, that you can only request 10 copies of your SS card in your lifetime…but that name changes didn’t count towards that.  (Was that a dig, cubicle lady?)

During my lunch break at the SS office, I came into contact with bad attitudes, confusion, bad fashion, and a whiff of alcohol.  If I ever have to go back there, I’m taking a cue from the guy who drank hard liquor beforehand.  Because pre-gaming before a visit to the Social Security office* is genius.

*As long as you don’t drive yourself.  Keep it legal, folks.