With my honey
Him: The scale is in a good mood today. You should try it out.
Me: That scale can go ___ itself.
Him: Yeah, last week I considered water-boarding it until it told me what I wanted to hear.
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With my BFF
Her: Good morning. Is it too early to be rude?
Me: I was JUST saying to a co-worker that I was trying to be positive until 10:00am. It’s a struggle.
Her: It IS! Especially when I look on FB and see stupid posts.
Me: Just go ahead and be ugly. I will join in. It’s who we are.
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With a few co-workers
Girl: The stomach virus combined with the Paleo Diet has made me lose a little too much weight.
Me: Yeah, skinny jeans aren’t supposed to be baggy. Eat some cake.
Male: Well, I don’t think you look too thin.
Me: Um, this from the guy who thought Angelina Jolie and her stupid leg didn’t look anorexic at the Oscars last year. Don’t trust a guy who thinks Ethiopians are fat, ok?
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