Snippets From My Conversations

21 Feb

With my honey

Him:  The scale is in a good mood today.  You should try it out.

Me:  That scale can go ___ itself.

Him:  Yeah, last week I considered water-boarding it until it told me what I wanted to hear.


With my BFF

Her:  Good morning. Is it too early to be rude?

Me:  I was JUST saying to a co-worker that I was trying to be positive until 10:00am.  It’s a struggle.

Her:  It IS!  Especially when I look on FB and see stupid posts.

Me: Just go ahead and be ugly. I will join in.  It’s who we are.


With a few co-workers

Girl:  The stomach virus combined with the Paleo Diet has made me lose a little too much weight.

Me:  Yeah, skinny jeans aren’t supposed to be baggy.  Eat some cake.

Male:  Well, I don’t think you look too thin.

Me:  Um, this from the guy who thought Angelina Jolie and her stupid leg didn’t look anorexic at the Oscars last year.  Don’t trust a guy who thinks Ethiopians are fat, ok?

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