Well, New York and New Jersey might.

GOP gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley has a skeleton in her closet, and we all know what that means. Those pesky skeletons…they always seem to escape.

Will Folks, an uber popular SC political blogger (and former press secretary for Governor Mark Sanford – yes, this is a tangled web) claims he had an affair with Mrs. Haley (who by the way, bases almost everything she says or does on her “Christian values”) a few years ago.

To read his confession, which basically says he was forced to come out with the truth because evidence of the affair was about to be leaked, go here.

Hey Nikki – when you hear the word “evidence” being tossed around, it’s probably best to just go ahead and tellz the truthz. See: Mark Sanford.

Side note: This might be a good time to tell those of you who didn’t know that I am a former staffer for both the SC Senate and SC House of Representatives.

You know you love ’em, and hopefully by now you know the deal. Since I started posting these on a semi-regular basis, people now send contributions to my growing list of inappropriate status updates. Enjoy.

• Blank just looked back on some of the woman I dated and see that I am a lot better off without some of these. I just think I must have been nuts because I see the people that some of them or dating now and think, do I really fall in the same class as some of these beastly men?? Thank the lord I have changed enough not to be around some of these woman who clearly came from the looney tune farm!!!
• Ok..this is it…i am tired of the games…i am a grown ass man…and i am not playing games grow a set be a man and talk to me like a man…or i will move on.
• Blank wants you to know that Blank is a fat ass and a deadbeat dad. Just so you all know that and he threatened me and is too much of a coward to talk to me. What a fat piece of sh*t….lol
• Remember i said buddy the dog was acting sick. Well….We found pus leaking out his balls and scabs dont know what caused it but, we doctored them up. Hope thats all thats wrong.
• Blank is up..still a lil drunk..got to take my baby to eat and then who knows…

Until next time, y’all, keep your status updates appropriate.

If you ever get the inclination to workout to a Jillian Michaels video, well, don’t.

I’ve cursed Jillian about once every three minutes for the past two days. It’s not really her fault, though, is it? I guess I could have worked out once or twice in the past 5 years. But, hey, I’ve been busy.

In the past, I’ve told you guys that I was going to begin exercising, but I never did. I put it off because jeans hide cellulite quite well. (Especially Joe’s Jeans, just FYI.) The procrastination ended on Sunday, when I woke up sore but hadn’t been drinking the night before. (Sorry, Mom, it used to happen.) What had I done the night before? I went bowling, y’all. Bowling made me sore.

I am going to give ole Jillian another whirl tonight, but can’t make any promises that I won’t have to call in sick tomorrow.

Today, I went to the doctor with my sister-in-law and brother to see my niece in her very first close-up. (Also known as the 3D ultrasound.) She was fast asleep and refused to wake, despite the attempts by the technician to shake her from her slumber. She gets that from me.

Even though my general response when people ask me, “What did she look like?!” is that she looked like a baby, she did appear to have my brother’s lips and my sister-in-law’s nose.

I had two immediate thoughts when I saw her sweet little face:
1. I can’t wait to meet her!
2. I can’t believe my brother is having a baby!

I sure hope he’s outgrown that whole torturing teddy bears and Barbie dolls thing…

I swear it’s like I blinked…and it was the middle of May.

I want to stop living my life in fast forward. Lately, I feel like I do is “go, go, go” and before I know it, another month has passed. A month has passed and I’ve put off doing things I should have done. What if this were my last month?

What would I regret not doing?

Having lunch with my dad, catching up with friends, seeing things I haven’t seen before, seeing things (and people) again that I love seeing, showing my family how much they mean to me, having a picnic, being lazy, counting stars, looking at old pictures, submitting a writing sample to a magazine, shopping with my mom, watching movies, reading, being more spiritual, telling people I love that I love them, helping people that aren’t as fortunate as I am…to name a few.

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.”
-Sydney Smith

What would you regret not doing? Let’s get to doing those things, then, shall we?

Holy Inappropriateness. Did you guys see this?

I was on many a dance team when I was a youngster, but we danced to songs like Pink Cadillac (Natalie Cole) or Kokomo (The Beach Boys). The most controversial thing we did was wear grass skirts over our dance uniforms.

I’m glad I was a child back when kids could still be kids.

Ladies, allow me to caution you about a trend that is sweeping the nation known as: the romper.

This isn’t your 5th grade romper. Sure, they can be sexy, fun and adorable – but please proceed with caution. I will take this opportunity to confess that I purchased a romper a few weeks ago…and returned it two days later. I tried it on multiple times, but one question kept popping into my head: Where in the world would I, at 30 years old, wear a romper?

Out to dinner? Probably not. To a concert? Nah. The only “yes” answer I could come up with involved a scenario where I just-so-happened to get invited to a party with the cast of The Hills. So back to the store it went.

If you look fabulous in one and can pull it off, by all means, rock it. But if you look more like this, than this, please don’t.

Such a cool commercial:

“If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Want to change the world?
There’s nothing to it”

Dear Jesse James,
First of all, is that your real name? I Googled it, and apparently it is – but every time I hear it, I sing that Cher song in my head, so it’s hard to take you seriously.

When Sandra Bullock married you a few years back, I was confused. I mean, I guess you have that whole “bad boy” thing going for you, but let’s face it: Sandy used to date Matthew McConaughey. You, JJ, are no McConaughey. Eventually, though, you won me over as the converted bad boy turned devoted husband and father. I watched you on The Celebrity Apprentice and I found myself rooting for you, especially when you sat Dennis Rodman down and attempted to get him into rehab. I thought, “That Jesse James is a pretty good guy.”

Well. Perhaps you should have been the one nominated for an Oscar.

Listen Jesse, I’m going to tell you what everyone else on Earth is thinking: You screwed up. You screwed up big time. You know how people always give the unlikely statistics that one will win the lottery? Well, you did – once. And you went and threw it all away for some woman who goes by the name “Bombshell.” Beautiful, philanthropic, Academy Award winning actress….or racist stripper? Good choice, Jesse.

Please start reevaluating the choices you make, starting with your hair.
Love,
M

The stages of life, according to my friend via Blackberry Messenger:

Friend: So far, here are my life stages
Friend: High School
Friend: College
Friend: Weddings
Friend: Babies
Friend: Funny enough, I am neither married nor do I have a baby…
Friend: But I have entered into the “baby shower” period of my life.
Friend: I know I fussed about the “weddings” period, but at least we could get drunk and make bad decisions at those…baby showers just aren’t as exciting.

Reading my friend’s hilarious “stages of life” message got me to thinking about how these stages come and go so quickly. I’ve been in a lot of weddings (like a whole lot, y’all), and now I’m starting to attend lots of baby showers. My friends who aren’t currently pregnant are talking about being pregnant. Yikes. When did this happen? I feel like the baby phenom has snuck up on me.

What’s next? Menopause?