What is it about the United States Postal workers that makes them so nasty? You know the ones I’m talkin’ ’bout. The ones that work inside the post office behind the desk. Those folks have some serious control issues.

Now that I think about it, anyone who has the “power” to tell you when you can step ahead in a line is on a total power trip. Banks, airport security, stadium ticket takers…they are all full of themselves. If you even think about stepping up before they give you the nod or say, “Next!” they will give you an attitude the size of Texas. What is up with that?

The “tail snap” occurs after you say something sassy, and is done by popping your hand by your “tail” and snapping your fingers. I first saw Cecilia tail snap someone at a party, which, by the way, is a perfectly acceptable place to tail snap someone. The moment went a little something like this: Random guy strikes up boring conversation with Cecilia and she tries desperately to escape, to no avail. Then, a perfect opportunity presented itself. Random guy brings up that he is a graduate of the University of Georgia. Cecilia, who didn’t miss a beat, shakes her head and says, “Well, sweetie, I’m a Tech fan, so I think we are on opposite sides of the hedges if you know what I mean.” Tail snap. Exit.

It was genius.

I, however, have taken the tail snap a bit far, as I did it to a co-worker last week. We have just moved into a new office space, and not all of our offices have doors now. A male co-worker of mine locked himself out of his new office (yes, he got a door and I did not) and we had to call a locksmith to get him in. As he worked in the conference room for the day, I sassily told him, “Well, guess what? That’s what you get for having a door.” Tail snap.

He looked confused. I quickly scurried back to my desk, and have decided that it might be best to leave the tail snapping to Cecilia.

Show me someone who doesn’t love John Krasinski, and I’ll promptly slap them around. He is, in my opinion, the best actor on television right now. And, in every interview I’ve seen him in, he’s been humble. Humble, my friends, is a trait I think more people should look into, but I digress.

Here’s Mr. Krasinski looking ever so dapper at the premiere of It’s Complicated. The perfect combination of old Hollywood and modern day GQ, John’s fashion choice is anything but. Love the suit, love the color, love the skinny tie, love the hair…hate the girlfriend. I started to post this same picture with my face photoshopped in, but I put it as my desktop wallpaper instead.

Yikes…it’s here. The big one. The end of an era.

Hello, 30, I’ve been expecting you. I hope we will be great friends, and that you aren’t as traumatic as everyone makes you out to be. After midnight tomorrow night, I will no longer be able to say I’m in my late twenties. Sigh.

If anyone needs me, I will be celebrating 30 years of awesomeness with a cocktail or 6.

I asked myself the above question several times during my father-daughter trip to New York. My dad…well, he’s a hoot. Only, I don’t think he means to be.

Here are some funny anecdotes that I thought you all might enjoy:

• When we were boarding the plane on the way there, my dad stepped on the plane first and I was told to wait to make sure my carry on will fit before I got on the plane. When I finally walked into the cabin, I saw my dad sitting in the wrong seat. In first class. He didn’t know that seats were assigned. Bless his heart.
• At Macy’s my dad noticed there was a gentleman at the MAC counter while I’m buying powder (Studio Fix, y’all – it covers up ALL the flaws). He asked him where they would be giving out the Heisman Trophy that night and if he knew where he could get tickets to see it. He asked the guy who was working at a make-up counter.
• If I had a dollar for every time he said “Nobody here speaks English,” I would’ve broken even on the trip. It was English. It was just English with an accent.
• When I asked him what he wanted to drink at Starbucks he told me a small coffee, but that he wanted to place the order by himself. I told him to say, “a tall coffee of the day” and his response was, “Mandi, I just told you I wanted a small cup.”
• Right before we saw Chicago, I told him that Jessica Simpson’s sister was playing the role of Roxie Hart. He was quiet for a minute and then said, “Who is Jessica Simpson?”

Hi, Jenny Sanford. Welcome to two of my clubs.
1) The I strongly dislike Governor Mark Sanford Club.
2) The First Wives Club.

In other news, folks, there will be no posts the first of next week as I will be in NYC. Check back Wednesday to see if both of us (father-daughter trip) make it back. $20 bucks says my dad tells the first cab driver that his prices are outrageous.

Look out Manhattan, conservative old man approaching.

A friend of mine posted a status update on Facebook, and it gave me something to write about. Her update said, “Lyza thinks it’s about time to hit up the grocery store. I had a frozen pretzel for lunch today.” The comments she got were pretty comical. One girl said she had hot chocolate and bacon for dinner the night before for the same reason. Another girl had a day old KFC biscuit with honey. I had two expired hot dogs without the buns.

What is it about going to the grocery store that we all despise? It just seems like too much trouble sometimes, doesn’t it? There are pretty much two reasons why I will go into the grocery store these days. 1) If my dog is out of his food/treats, or 2) I am out of any of the components that go into making my perfect cup of morning coffee.

And, here’s a confession for you…last week, I went to CVS for the above items (and paper towels) and had pimento cheese on melba toast for dinner.

Sit back and let me tell you a little story.

A few years back, I had a Maid of Honor named Lauren who was seated at the “head table” of my rehearsal dinner with a Groomsman named Chad. It was love at first meal for Chad, but it took a little persuading for Lauren. She eventually caved to his charm, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Last Friday night, Chad proposed to Lauren at the place where their relationship began. (Insert “awe’s” here.)

This worked out well for me, because the place just happens to be in the city in which I reside. So, on my way home from a Christmas party late Friday night, I stopped in to see the newly engaged couple to have a toast to their engagement. Whilst there, a member of the band that was playing stopped at the table and told them congratulations. He looked at me with a puzzled expression, so I boasted, “I’m the reason that they met!” He said, “Oh, you are the girl’s wedding they met at two years ago.” My response (which was really funny when I delivered it, but doesn’t sound like it when you read it) was “Yeah, well, I’m not married any more.”

I should have kept my mouth shut.

Band Guy proceeded to give Lauren and Chad marital advice, and to be honest, it all made perfect sense. Put God first, each other second, children third. He even told them where to find that in the bible. Corinthians, he said. After about 15 minutes of him repeating the same thing over and over, all three of us were ready for him to depart. I think he could sense this, so he closed by saying, “Remember what I told you. If not, you’ll end up alone like her.”

No. He. Didn’t.

Yes, y’all. He really did.

Both Lauren and Chad immediately started defending me, which was helpful because I couldn’t speak. I don’t remember what all was said, exactly, but I do know that Chad told Band Guy that what I had been through in my marriage was not in Corinthians.

True.

A huge congratulations to you both, L&C. I’m so glad my seating chart worked out for you! Return the favor, why don’t ya?

I’m one busy gal today, so imagine my delight when my friend Daniel sent me this little gem. That’ll keep you entertained for the next 10 minutes or so.

The photos remind me of an experiment my cousin Allison tried back in the 90’s. Thank goodness it was just her legs.

One of my friends, who will remain nameless, sent me a photo of her real tree last night. Here it is:

I took one of my fake tree right after. Here it is:

She seems to think I pushed her tree over with my mind (since I live in a different state). If I did, there are some people who are in t-r-o-u-b-l-e. If you stumble today…my bad.