The following photos go along with my last post regarding Stephanie Pratt. Apparently, some of you have lives and don’t have time for The Hills/celebrity gossip websites. The horror!

After:

After:

Thoughts?

Stephanie Pratt. What the hell, y’all? My friend Lauren and I have been discussing this, and we decided it’s a nose job/supreme weight loss combo, but we still wonder…is it something else, too? She doesn’t even look like the same person. I can’t stop staring at her and thinking, “If you went under the knife, Stephie, why not go ahead and fix the ears, too?”

Why some women stay single for life. It’s because there are some creepy creepsters out there, folks. I know because I saw about 20 of them last night. We’re talking bad grooming and bad manners. If that is what you’re offering, universe, no thank you. I’ll be content with my dog and reality television. (Because my pup is well-groomed and polite, and I can turn Spencer Pratt “off” with the click of a button.)

This past weekend, I attended a wedding in Charleston. I tell you that so you’ll understand why I was in the vicinity of Charleston’s newspaper, The Post and Courier. Here’s an excerpt from the Weddings & Celebrations section, which I’m pretty sure the good lord wanted me to see:

Mr. and Mrs. _____ of Atlanta, GA, celebrated their 1st wedding anniversary with a romantic dinner at McCormick and Schmicks Seafood Restaurant in Atlanta.

Following dinner, the couple continued their quiet romantic evening at home, where they reflected on a great first year of marriage with soft R&B music, a bottle of wine, a steamy hot bubble bath, and enjoyed the top layer of their wedding cake.

Yes, yes, yes. It said that. In the NEWSPAPER! Inappropriate. Disgusting. Tacky.

I, of course, blame this on Mark Zuckerberg and the folks behind Twitter. We’ve become so accustomed to hearing every detail of people’s lives that we are now printing those ridiculous details in the newspaper. Show me the editor who allowed that. I’d like to give him or her a talking to.

A very wise (and non-existent in real life) woman once said:
“No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends.”
–Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

*I’d like to add “and family” to that quote.

It’s been a gloomy week here in Georgia, and even though it’s Friday, people ’round here don’t seem as excited about that as usual.

Might I suggest the following mood enhancers:

• This song is my jam. I don’t care if I’m too old to like her, every time it’s on, it’s a mandatory dance party.
• I have watched the Jim and Pam “wedding dance off spoof” scene at least 20 times on my DVR. Here ya go. Chuckling to begin shortly.
• Virtual window shopping here.
• This dessert feels so wrong, but with 60 calories and no sugar…it’s so right.
• Peopleofwalmart.com.
• Making a travel “to do” list.

Friend: hey, did i tell you that [Blank] got hit by a car friday night?
me: WHAT?? What do you mean he got HIT BY A CAR?
Friend: he walked out of [Blank] friday night and got hit by a car. he was taken to the hospital by ambulance. he also got a jaywalking ticket.
me: Are you for real? Is he ok??
Friend: i swear.
me: What did they do with his ticket, hand it to the EMTs?
Friend: he’s okay, the ticket is the funny part. he has his leg in an air splint.
me: Good Lord. That’s awful.
Friend: i know. he didn’t make it to the game on saturday.
me: Well I guess not, hon.

*Name and place have been omitted. The poor guy suffered enough.*

One of the nicest southern gentlemen I know, Ben, sent me this article today. Attention Northerners: We love you, we welcome you, but mind your manners…it could save your life.

Why is it that we Southerners are so polite? Is it because when we were little our parents would go outside and “get a switch” if we were not? Or is it just in our genes? I don’t know about you, but I get fired up if someone doesn’t hold the door open for others. Drives me bananas. Why is that? Why do I care? I’m not sure, exactly, but I do.

If you’re from the South and you already abide by the advice I’m about to give, please move on with your day. If not, take notes. There will be a pop quiz the next time you’re out and about.

Most of this is common sense, but I looked up the 5 basic rules of Southern Manners – and expanded them:

1. Modesty is a wonderful quality. Gettin’ up on a high horse or actin’ all highfalutin’ is just plain undesirable.

2. Others first, self last. This goes for walking through doors, going through a serving line, etc. It’s pretty simple, really.

3. Be courteous. Remember the whole, “do unto others” lesson? It still applies when you’re 25, or 42, or 79. After 80 you can do whatever the heck you want.

4. Behave yourself. Southern moms are notorious for telling their children to “act right” before going into a store/church/anywhere in public. Again, this still applies when you’re old. Don’t be rude, use profanity (I fail at this a little) or do anything else that would embarrass you if it was posted on YouTube. Because your Mama taught you better than that. And she’ll still take a switch across your hind legs if you give her reason to.

5. Be friendly. Ask how your neighbors are doing, speak to the guy who delivers your mail, say “hello” when you enter a store. And smile, for goodness sakes. As Truvy in Steel Magnolias said, “it increases your face value.”

I didn’t get that whole obsession with Christmas decorations/music thing that everyone else seems to have. I blame it on the fact that my birthday is very close to Christmas, and I always felt overshadowed. (I mean, my birthday should be overshadowed – Jesus trumps Mandi, but you know what I mean.) Thus, it’s Fall I love, with Halloween and Thanksgiving being my favorite holidays.

This weekend my mom came to assist me with decking the house with mums, pumpkins and scarecrows. It looks adorable, but it teeters on “a bit much.” There are multiple hay bales involved.

On another note, I got invited to a Halloween costume party (YESSSS!) and need some ideas of what to be, so post ’em if you’ve got ’em. I like clever, not slutty. For Halloween and in general.

When someone told this young woman she should be an entrepreneur, I don’t think this is quite what they had in mind. My favorite part? No sex offenders, please. Even bikini wearin’ cleaning ladies have standards.

But, hey, if it keeps her off a stripper pole…who am I to judge?

Hat tip to Emily, who found this gem.

On my way into work this morning, I heard an awful story on the radio about a pizza delivery man being beaten by a baseball bat by three teenagers. The man (who, by the way, is 66) is in critical condition.

So, how’d the thieves make out? A grand total of one pizza and $20. This might make me a redneck, but I’d like to go toe-to-toe with those little sh…er, jerks.



Teens Beat Pizza Man with Bat, Cops Say
Peter Daut

FORT WORTH, Texas – A Fort Worth pizza delivery man is in the hospital with severe injuries after he was attacked with a baseball bat by a trio of teenage boys. Police are now searching for the attackers.

Police say it happened late Saturday night at an abandoned house in the 1200 block of Bessie Street in east Fort Worth. Fredrick Rein, 66, was called to the house to deliver a pizza, but the call turned out to be a trap.

Investigators say Rein arrived at the house and was approached by three teenagers. One of the boys hit Rein in the head with an aluminum baseball bat and the three took off running with the stolen pizza.

Police say Rein is at a local hospital with serious head injuries. The three attackers are still at large.