Two Cheaters, Two Letters

22 Aug

Dear John Edwards,

Let’s start with the good:  your good looking in that old politician guy kind of way, and I like that you’re Southern and not a total redneck.  Enough of that – on to the bad.  You cheated on your wife.  The same wife who was dying of cancer but still went out and campaigned with you (because, hey, you couldn’t let something like a dying wife stop you from your goals) all over the country.  After she knew of your tawdry affair with a woman who could use some low lights and a better haircut.  Then, you publicly lied about it.  Now, allegedly you have a Juris Doctor from the University of North Carolina, so one would think you are more intelligent than say, me, who has a Juris Doctor in Shopping, but no…you are not.  Even I know that if you are a public figure, you can not lie about anything in your personal life.  Someone always finds out, and the longer you deny it, the worse you look.  Have a nice day, and please stop running for office because you’re not winning.
Love,
M

Dear Chinese Gymnastics Team,
The jig is up.  We know that you’re all 12.  Enjoy your gold medals, though, because you were taken from your families at age 3 (and not allowed to have a life outside of gymnastics) to train for this.  Our girls are 16 or older, see their families every day, go to high school or college, have friends and still got the silver medal.  In.  Your.  Face.
Love,
M
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