It appears as though both Anne Hathaway and Gwyneth Paltrow are after my small-town hickville-little-heart.

Here’s Annie in a sequin get-up at the Golden Globes. Sequins and puff sleeves? I (and Loretta Lynn) approve.

Here’s Gwynie P. as the ill-fated Kelly Cantor in Country Strong. The guitar, the outfit, the little boy in a cowboy hat? I (and Dolly Parton) approve.

Comcast Rant
My cable went out at the most inopportune time last night. During, wait for it…The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion. Collagen-injected-to-the-max Taylor was mid-sentence when my screen went black. I, of course, simultaneously leapt off the couch to reboot my cable box and dialed the 800 number to get assistance. The reboot failed, and the automated voice at the other end of the Comcast “help line” told me that due to heavy call volume, I would need to try my call again later.

Name Change Rant
When I changed my name back in late 2007, I (of course) thought it would be for good. As you are all aware, that didn’t happen, so I went back to my roots (aka, maiden name) in early 2009. In 2011, I continue to battle with insurance companies, banks, service providers, etc. about my name being listed incorrectly. And, I know it probably doesn’t sound like a big deal to you, but some days (not always), I see that old last name and I go into what can only be described as a curse word fueled rampage.

Dear TLC (The Learning Channel, not the R&B group),
Over the years, you have brought much entertainment and enjoyment into my living room. I would like to thank you for shows such as: Say Yes to the Dress, John and Kate + 8, Sister Wives, I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant, and of course, you’re shining star, Toddlers & Tiaras.

I do, however, feel that you’ve taken things a little too far with your latest addition, My Strange Addiction. While I’m aware that there are people in the world who eat couch cushions or laundry detergent, or pull out their hair, or pick their scabs and eat them…that does not mean that I care to watch it. I mean, I have tried very hard not to judge these people, but when you showed the preview for the guy who has a “relationship” with his synthetic girlfriend (“The sex is amazing,” he said.) I gave up. Seriously, TLC. Where the hell are you finding these people?

Strange addictions should be kept between the addict and their therapist, if you ask me. Please get back to your regularly scheduled programming of 4-year-old diva breakdowns and women with 26 children. Thanks.

Love,
M

Well, come on. You know it’s true. They always are.

Really and truly – I always have such good intentions when the State of the Union begins. When they announce, “The President of the United States” I get pumped. I’m ready to listen to words of the speech writers, ready to hear the applause, see the invited guests, make fun of the bad ties, etc. And then…it gets mind numbingly boring and I start to browse the world wide web. Every time. Every single time.

yay for:
nail polish that hasn’t chipped from a week old manicure
carb-friendly yogurt
a sunny day
checking items off my work to-do list
lunch plans with my furry bff, wallace
a new email address (goodbye inaccurate last name!)
another curly hair day
playing catch up with an old friend
satellite radio “alerting” me that this was playing
book club tonight

You think I’m pretty
Without any makeup on
You think I’m funny when I tell the
Punch line wrong
I know you get me
So I let my walls come down, down
Before you met me I was alright
But things were kinda heavy
You brought me to life,
Now every February
You’ll be my Valentine, Valentine

From “Teenage Dream” by Katy Perry

—————————————————-

He is good, so good
And he treats your little girl like a real man should
He is good, so good, he makes promises he keeps
No he’s never gonna leave
So don’t you worry about me
Don’t you worry about me

From “Mama’s Song” by Carrie Underwood

REGIS PHILBIN IS RETIRING.

I have a serious love for Regis. I once named a cat after him, but I digress. The cat didn’t really belong to me and I’m quite certain his real name wasn’t Regis (or that it was a male cat, even), but that’s a story for another day.

I catch up on Regis and Kelly’s host chat once a week. I don’t bother watching it if Regis is on vacation (well, if Anderson Cooper is the co-host, I will), because as much as I adore Kelly’s precious hubby Mark Consuelos…he just ain’t Regis.

To see the announcement that made me tear up, click here. Yes, I am aware that I have an unhealthy television obsession. It’s not meth, so kindly shut up.

In other news, did you guys see the news story about the woman who won the lottery but will likely have to share half of the 90 million dollars she won with her estranged husband? Hiring a divorce attorney is not cheap, but I can attest to the fact that it costs less than 45 million dollars.

I watch award shows for two reasons: the fashion and the speeches. Today’s post focuses on the speech part, but both are really very similar when you think about it. They are either a hit (I’m talking to you Colin Firth – your’s was lovely) or a miss (That would be you, Natalie Portman. Hello, it’s super awkward to talk about having sex with your boyfriend in your acceptance speech.).

In case you missed last night’s Golden Globe awards (I missed most of them, but got all caught up today whilst lounging on my couch for MLK day), Glee’s Chris Colfer won the award for best supporting actor in a television series. Colfer, if aren’t familiar with the show, plays high school student (and homosexual) Kurt Hummel. His acceptance speech was gracious, of course, but what won me over was that he also took the opportunity to talk about one of his platforms…bullying and teen suicides. I gotta tell ya, after that, he has turned me into an even bigger fan. Like, he might need to look into a restraining order.

Here’s the last part of the speech of the night:
“To all the amazing kids that watch our show, and the kids that our show celebrates, who are constantly told ‘no’ by the people in their environments, and by bullies at school that they can’t be who they are or have what they want because of who they are. Well? Screw that, kids.”

Texting:
Meigs: I have turkey neck. What the hell? Are we too young to go under the knife?
Me: Not according to those crazy bitches on Toddlers & Tiaras. And, you do not.

Facebook status update:
Even in my dreams, you’re a jackass. That’s what I call talent. And annoying.

Gchatting:
Friend: Does Ben carry a picture of you in his wallet?
Me: If he does, I’m breaking up with him.
Friend: My cousin had a picture of his girlfriend in his wallet over Christmas. He is a 34-year-old redneck. I was thinking to myself, “Who does that?” Rednecks are so unpredictable.

No, seriously, can I?

The “Exercise More” One
Here we go again, right? I know, I know…different year, same ole story. And, I’m going to do it. (I really am.) But, it’s just too dang cold for all that right now. February, perhaps?

The “Spend Less, Save More” One
I’ve been on a roll with this one, but the upcoming Atlanta shopping trip is going to set me back. February, perhaps?

The “Watch Your Language Now That You Have A Niece” One
Yeah, it’s not happening. February, perhaps?

The “Don’t Over-Extend Yourself” One
So far in 2011, I’ve already been asked to serve on a committee for the Alzheimer’s Association. (It’s for a good cause!) February, perhaps?