First things first: Are my eyes playing tricks on me, or has Kristin Davis really slimmed down? Perhaps it was so she could fit easily into the vintage gold (and sequined, you know how I heart sequins) halter gown by Norman Norell at the SATC London premiere. You know, because you typically need to alter yourself to fit in a vintage gown, and not the other way around (especially if you have to give it back).

Secondly, any woman who gets better looking with age is now an inspiration to me. It’s more than an inspiration, really, it’s a goal. Snaps to Davis for being a 45 year-old woman who isn’t trying to look 29. I’m in love with the dress – it’s says ‘old Hollywood’ glamour without screaming it (I’m talking to you, Kim Cattral. I prefer a more subtle approach.)

Hat-tip, on the ensemble Charlotte…er, Kristin. I, for one, am certainly glad you redeemed yourself after that horrendous thing you wore to the NYC premiere of the movie. It looked like you had a run in with a Pepto-Bismol bottle on your way to prom. We knew you could do better than that.

“Charleston has a landscape that encourages intimacy and partisanship. I have heard it said that an inoculation to the sights and smells of the Carolina lowcountry is an almost irreversible antidote to the charms of other landscapes, other alien geographies. You can be moved profoundly by other vistas, by other oceans, by soaring mountain ranges, but you can never be seduced. You can even forsake the lowcountry, renounce it for other climates, but you can never completely escape the sensuous, semitropical pull of Charleston and her marshes.”
-Pat Conroy

There’s nothing like the first work day after a holiday weekend. Everyone was kind of sulky today in our office, myself included.

I went to two beautiful weddings over the weekend, one on Edisto Island and one in Charleston. Then, once I arrived back home, I celebrated another friend’s birthday with dinner and a movie (Um, the movie, of course). It was a perfect weekend – filled with friends, laughter, drinks, sun, food, dancing and picture taking.

One of those weekends that make work days feel like prison, but a little like rest, too.

It has occurred to me recently that I’m living the life I’ve always wanted to live. Maybe not with as many “things” as I wanted, but come on – those are just things. This life, my life…well, it’s pretty damn fabulous. Sulky work days and all.

yay for:
a short workday and a long weekend
my mom, a sweet/fun lady who also dogsits for free
an old shirt that i still get compliments on
sc political drama that continues to unfold
a pedicure and summer pink toenails
having a big work event out of the way
headbands
two friends getting married this weekend
plans to see sex and the city 2
skipping the workouts until tuesday
facebook
spending the weekend at the beach
‘dress season’ being in full effect
a song that reminds me of my high school friends
ben’s passport coming in (because I would have gone to mexico without him, believe me)
people who say “darlin‘”

Lately, in and around my neighborhood, there have been several break-ins and attempted break-ins. Every time I hear of another one, my usual in-a-coma sleep pattern changes to a post-traumatic-stress sleep pattern. (You know, the kind where rain hits the window and you SPRING up ready to fight someone to the death.)

My neighbors have turned into their own crime-fighting police station. I’m not kidding when I say that if I were a burglar, I would fear them. In the past two weeks, they have chased two would-be burglars on foot. Who does that? Most people would call 911 – but the guys in my ‘hood – they will straight up come after you.

I’m not quite as brave, but I have added to my nightly routine of making sure my motion lights and security system are on. I now send William Wallace outside and ask him repeatedly, “Who is it?! Who is it?!” to make him bark his little head off. This is my version of a warning shot.

If they only knew that behind that bark is a mere 17lbs of friendly fur ball.

Did you know that May is National Motorcycle Safety Awareness Month?

Motorcycles are often hard to see, but that’s usually our (the car driver’s) own fault, because we are not looking for them. In fact, two-thirds of accidents involving motorcycles are not the fault of the motorcyclist.

Look twice, you guys. Look twice and save a life.

Very clever motorcycle awareness commercial

Well, New York and New Jersey might.

GOP gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley has a skeleton in her closet, and we all know what that means. Those pesky skeletons…they always seem to escape.

Will Folks, an uber popular SC political blogger (and former press secretary for Governor Mark Sanford – yes, this is a tangled web) claims he had an affair with Mrs. Haley (who by the way, bases almost everything she says or does on her “Christian values”) a few years ago.

To read his confession, which basically says he was forced to come out with the truth because evidence of the affair was about to be leaked, go here.

Hey Nikki – when you hear the word “evidence” being tossed around, it’s probably best to just go ahead and tellz the truthz. See: Mark Sanford.

Side note: This might be a good time to tell those of you who didn’t know that I am a former staffer for both the SC Senate and SC House of Representatives.

You know you love ’em, and hopefully by now you know the deal. Since I started posting these on a semi-regular basis, people now send contributions to my growing list of inappropriate status updates. Enjoy.

• Blank just looked back on some of the woman I dated and see that I am a lot better off without some of these. I just think I must have been nuts because I see the people that some of them or dating now and think, do I really fall in the same class as some of these beastly men?? Thank the lord I have changed enough not to be around some of these woman who clearly came from the looney tune farm!!!
• Ok..this is it…i am tired of the games…i am a grown ass man…and i am not playing games grow a set be a man and talk to me like a man…or i will move on.
• Blank wants you to know that Blank is a fat ass and a deadbeat dad. Just so you all know that and he threatened me and is too much of a coward to talk to me. What a fat piece of sh*t….lol
• Remember i said buddy the dog was acting sick. Well….We found pus leaking out his balls and scabs dont know what caused it but, we doctored them up. Hope thats all thats wrong.
• Blank is up..still a lil drunk..got to take my baby to eat and then who knows…

Until next time, y’all, keep your status updates appropriate.

If you ever get the inclination to workout to a Jillian Michaels video, well, don’t.

I’ve cursed Jillian about once every three minutes for the past two days. It’s not really her fault, though, is it? I guess I could have worked out once or twice in the past 5 years. But, hey, I’ve been busy.

In the past, I’ve told you guys that I was going to begin exercising, but I never did. I put it off because jeans hide cellulite quite well. (Especially Joe’s Jeans, just FYI.) The procrastination ended on Sunday, when I woke up sore but hadn’t been drinking the night before. (Sorry, Mom, it used to happen.) What had I done the night before? I went bowling, y’all. Bowling made me sore.

I am going to give ole Jillian another whirl tonight, but can’t make any promises that I won’t have to call in sick tomorrow.

Today, I went to the doctor with my sister-in-law and brother to see my niece in her very first close-up. (Also known as the 3D ultrasound.) She was fast asleep and refused to wake, despite the attempts by the technician to shake her from her slumber. She gets that from me.

Even though my general response when people ask me, “What did she look like?!” is that she looked like a baby, she did appear to have my brother’s lips and my sister-in-law’s nose.

I had two immediate thoughts when I saw her sweet little face:
1. I can’t wait to meet her!
2. I can’t believe my brother is having a baby!

I sure hope he’s outgrown that whole torturing teddy bears and Barbie dolls thing…