Ok, so the birthday is here. Whatev, I’m gonna embrace 29…starting tonight! I’m headed to NYC for a few days (with my mom) to see the sights of the season (and hopefully some snow).
New York with my mom is always an adventure, so I’m sure I will get some good blog inspiration while I’m away!
It’s been a while since I did one of these, so…
Dear Birthday,
Don’t you do it. Don’t even think about coming one step closer to me. I’m not ready for you yet. See, I’ve thought about this and the truth is, I need a little more time. Maybe a few more months. It’s nothing personal, it’s just that you’ve gone and crept up on me, and I’m not a fan of creepers. I know, I know, there have been times when I’ve rushed you along. Remember 16? Remember 18? And who could forget that 21st one! I begged you to hurry up – to get here fast – so that I could drive, vote and drink (not at the same time, Mom). But now, I’m going to have to ask you to slow things down a bit. I want to hold on to 28 for a little longer, because, let’s face it…29 is old. 29 isn’t just politely knocking on 30’s door, it’s using a crowbar to get up in that b___. And I’m not ready for crowbars or people talking about “the big 3-0” so, back off. Back off, December 20th, and no one has to get hurt.
Love,
M
How is it that every time I set foot in a CVS or Walgreen’s, I spend at least $30? I banned myself from Target for a few months because of this, and it looks like I just filled the void with drug stores. Damn.
If you haven’t seen the shoes being hurled at our President yet, you might need more media outlets in your life. I could use less, but I digress.
Apparently in the Arab world, throwing a shoe at someone or calling them a dog are two of the worst possible insults. That culture is a little nicer than ours, because, puh-lease…get a real insult.
Is anyone else wondering how two shoes were thrown before the Secret Service decided to do something? I know we’re coming to the end of the Bush’s presidency, fellas, but sleeping on the job is not acceptable. Red Bull. Look into it.
Have you ever liked someone a lot, and no one else got it because he wasn’t “the” guy to like, but you still liked him anyway because he makes you laugh and just seems like he’d be fun to hang out with? That’s kind of how I feel about Owen Wilson. I sooo would have flirted with Owen Wilson in high school.
Anyway, here he is looking dapper at the premiere of “Marley & Me” last night:
Isn’t he a cutie? I love that he isn’t trying too hard and that he looks comfortable. You don’t look at him and think about a stylist putting this together, which (by the way) is difficult to pull off with the mens. Most of us ladies can spot a woman-dressed man at 150 paces, but I’m not getting that vibe here. Mad props also for the obvious use of a brush – not something we typically get out of Mr. Wilson.
Yes, Jenn looks lovely also, but not everything is about Jennifer Aniston, ok? Plus, I thought her dress was a bit short, and I’m a little worried about her since I saw that GQ cover (which is not suitable for work, so don’t even go there with your Google search).
Today, while at lunch with an old friend (like, known her for a long time old, not like 85 old), I began acting out a scene from a Christmas party I recently attended. In said scene, the person lifts a drinking glass up from the bar, wipes up under it, and sets the glass back down. This was done several times, so of course I did it several times, too. With my empty glass.
Our waiter, who was in a conversation with another waiter, looks our direction and asks hastily, “Would you like some more water?”
“Um, no thank you, I was just imitating someone,” I reply. Waiter was not amused. Waiter hates me/thinks I’m a moron/liar/weirdo.
I WAS JUST TELLING A STORY, WAITER BOY. I WASN’T IMPLYING THAT YOU SUCK AT YOUR JOB. YOU’RE VERY GOOD AT YOUR JOB. YOU ASKED US IF WE WERE OK SEVERAL TIMES. I LIKED YOU. I’M SORRY THAT I ACT THINGS OUT AND CAN’T JUST DESCRIBE THEM. I DIDN’T NEED MORE WATER, IN FACT, I DON’T EVEN LIKE WATER. I JUST THOUGHT I SHOULD DRINK IT BECAUSE I HAVE THIS COLD. I REALLY AM A NICE PERSON WHO WOULD NEVER PASSIVELY AGGRESSIVELY DEMAND WATER FROM A WAITER.
Today, all over our great country, people are calling in gay to work. No, that wasn’t my cold meds talking, you read that correctly. And doesn’t that just conjure up a fun image of a puzzled boss on the other end of the phone when their employee says, “Hi Ron. Listen, I can’t come in today because I’ve got homosexuality.” Read more here.
I heard something today that made me mad, and so, you get to read about it. A man was saying that in times like these (aka, major recession), if you have a job you should show up for it. If you don’t show up, there are plenty of people waiting in line to get a job – any job – so you should lose yours and give it to someone who won’t stay home because they have a point to make.
No, good sir, you should not. Furthermore, you should rethink those eyeglasses.
This is my humble opinion: Gay people do not have the same rights as straight people. I simply believe we should all have equal rights.
We are all entitled to our opinion, that’s the beauty of living in the United States. I do think, however, that if you want to argue against gay marriage and use the Bible as the reason why – you don’t want to have that conversation with me. Why? Because I’ll win, that’s why. If you don’t think a man and a man or a woman and a woman should be married, fine. Just say that. Just say, “I don’t like homosexuality and I don’t think homosexuals should be allowed to get married.” But please, please do not hide behind the Bible by telling me that homosexuality is an abomination.
Why? Well, the Bible contains lots of things in it that aren’t relevant to today’s times. Do you think we should uphold everything the Bible states? If so, you better find something else to do on college football Saturdays. According to Leviticus 11:7-8, touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Any crab leg lovers out there? Bad news, Leviticus 11:10 says eating shellfish is an abomination. Hear someone say GD? I don’t like it either, but is it really necessary to stone them to death as stated in Leviticus 24:16?
What about these examples from an open letter to Dr. Laura (that was forwarded around a few years ago)?
Church and State are separate for a reason. Laws should not be made based on the Bible. That doesn’t make me a bad person, and it doesn’t mean that I’m not a Christian. It means that I do not think that everything in the Bible should be taken literally, and that I think it’s wrong for people to use the Bible as their excuse for the reason they believe gay marriage should be against the law.
I cut my hair off this week. (And by “I” I mean I had a professional do it.)
It’s still below my shoulders, but 8 inches got the boot. Moment of silence, please.
Thanks. As you were.
Every year Oprah does a couple of those “Favorite Things” shows, the biggest one being during the holiday season. It’s one of those things that is taped in advance so the people in the audience are not expecting it. I’ve learned recently, though, that usually the people in the audience know because they are offered these “special tickets” as an apology for something gone wrong with an Oprah experience before. (Like they got to the show and there weren’t any seats available – they overbook these shows like airlines, so they are guaranteed to be full.)
Let’s set the scene, shall we?
Ok, you traveled to Chicago with your 80-year-old grandmother whose last “bucket list” wish is to see Oprah Winfrey. You waited a year for these Oprah tickets, so you go all out. You get plane tickets, hotel reservations, dinner reservations, tour reservations – and everything is going wonderful in Chicago until you are told outside the studio that the show is at full capacity. The nice people at Harpo offer you tickets for the next day, but you’ll already be back in Seattle for your grandmother’s pre-op appointment (for her hip replacement). The powers that be at the show tell you they are so sorry for your inconvenience and will make it up to you by sending you tickets to another show and paying your way back to Chicago. Sold! So, you’re back in Seattle and a few months later you get a phone call from the show telling you your tickets are in the mail. Tickets for a November taping. Hmm. OH MY GOD, THIS IS IT. Oprah’s Favorite Things! It has to be! Come on, Granny, get your walker – we’re going to Chicago.
You get to the studio, you’re in line, and everyone is whispering about this being THE show. You cannot believe your luck. You look over at Grams, and she is just as anxious to go in. You wonder if she’ll give out another refrigerator with an HD television screen. Or a high definition digital camcorder. Or the latest Apple techno thingy. This is the most fun! You are so excited that you call all your friends to tell them that you are about to receive all of Oprah’s Favorite Things!
Enter Oprah. Only she beings the show talking about the hard economic times, and how she didn’t feel like it was appropriate to have the usual “Favorite Things” show. You almost vomit. Instead, Oprah says she’ll be giving you ideas on how to have a thrifty holiday. A THRIFTY HOLIDAY? Grandma faints.
End scene.
Yes, Oprah decided to give her audience ideas as her favorite things. Am I the only one who thinks this is complete and total crap? I’m all for being sensitive to the many people who are scraping by, don’t get me wrong. I’ve always thought the “Favorite Things” episode was a little ridiculous anyway. (I mean, who can buy a $4,000 refrigerator for themselves, much less give it as a gift to someone?) It’s fun to watch those audience members go crazy, but most of those gifts are far too extravagant for my little ole’ budget. (One year she had a $250 cashmere scarf, and said you could give them to all your co-workers. I love my co-workers, but…) However, that is the fun of it. I watch that show and think how awesome it would be to be there, but I don’t get bitter about not being able to buy all that stuff. Let’s face it, celebrities in general are wasteful. They just are. Because they can be. This is Oprah, and we all know that Oprah isn’t going to forgo throwing a fabulous holiday party because the stock market is down and the unemployment rate is up. I kind of feel like she’s insulting our intelligence with this whole pseudo favorite things episode.
Some of her “ideas” are really cute, so if you are not as materialistic as most of the world, check them out here. But, I wouldn’t suggest trying these with your nieces and nephews without a warning of some sort. If they’re used to getting presents, and this year you give them a box with a note that says, “I love you because you are caring and sweet,” I think they might hurt your feelings when they aren’t overjoyed.
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