Texting:
Meigs: I have turkey neck. What the hell? Are we too young to go under the knife?
Me: Not according to those crazy bitches on Toddlers & Tiaras. And, you do not.

Facebook status update:
Even in my dreams, you’re a jackass. That’s what I call talent. And annoying.

Gchatting:
Friend: Does Ben carry a picture of you in his wallet?
Me: If he does, I’m breaking up with him.
Friend: My cousin had a picture of his girlfriend in his wallet over Christmas. He is a 34-year-old redneck. I was thinking to myself, “Who does that?” Rednecks are so unpredictable.

No, seriously, can I?

The “Exercise More” One
Here we go again, right? I know, I know…different year, same ole story. And, I’m going to do it. (I really am.) But, it’s just too dang cold for all that right now. February, perhaps?

The “Spend Less, Save More” One
I’ve been on a roll with this one, but the upcoming Atlanta shopping trip is going to set me back. February, perhaps?

The “Watch Your Language Now That You Have A Niece” One
Yeah, it’s not happening. February, perhaps?

The “Don’t Over-Extend Yourself” One
So far in 2011, I’ve already been asked to serve on a committee for the Alzheimer’s Association. (It’s for a good cause!) February, perhaps?

Turns out, the National Weather Service was for real this time. No work today, and probably no work tomorrow.

Winter just became my new favorite season.

Confession: Today, I fell victim to the snow storm panic.

Down South we tend to overreact about winter storm warnings. Like, people make a mad dash to the supermarket and fight over the last gallon of milk like it’s the “it” Christmas toy of the season. Grocery stores sell out of bread. School days are cancelled. And all of this happens before the first snowflake falls. And, more often than not, the storm “just misses us” and we see no snow at all.

This afternoon, though, I joined the ranks of the ridiculous as I rushed to Kroger to “stock up” on supplies. (Side note: I realized halfway through the shopping trip, when I began buying things I don’t even eat, that I am exactly like my mother.) The lines were so long that I almost finished an entire issue of Us Weekly while waiting to check out.

I sometimes wonder if the National Weather Service decides to have a little fun with us southerners. It’s a win-win for them: The local economy gets a boost, and they have a few laughs.

The offender: Taylor Swift

The item(s) in question: Dress, worn at the People’s Choice Awards

My thoughts: Alright, admittedly, there are things about Taylor Swift that I like. She’s cute, she’s peppy, she’s got cool hair, and she writes her own music (even if it sounds like the exact same song over and over again, hey – at least she tries). But, there are many things about Ms. Swift that, well, just annoy the heck out of me. Case in point: Her love of flesh colored dresses and red lipstick.

The solution: Try on a dress with color. Any color. And, please stop wearing your pretty hair like that. We get it, you like the swept-back-with-curls-hanging-down thing, but you’re boring us to death. That goes for your melodies, too, sugar. Same melody, different lyrics – every time. Every single time. YAWN.

When you begin your day at 6:45am with your dog escaping out of an open gate (Who opened it? I guess I’ll never know.), followed by you running frantically into the street calling him, then catching him, then realizing you locked yourself out of your house in your panic stricken dart to save your pet’s life, followed by having to walk over to your neighbor’s house in your pj’s and bare feet to ask him to break into your home…well, your day can ONLY go UP from there.

And, it did. Thank the lord. (And my criminally savvy knight in shining armor neighbor.)

It’s rare on this blog that I give you a photographic glance into my life, but what the hell…

2010 – My Year in Photos (There’s music, too. Fancy-pants, right?)

I remember being a kid and thinking that time passed at a ridiculously slow pace. It seemed like it took forever for me to get out of kindergarten, 3rd grade, middle school, etc. Now, it seems, that in the blink of an eye – another year has passed.

For me, 2010 has been a year full of happy memories, incredible firsts and a few sad endings, too.

This year has taught me many things. Thanks to 2010, I learned how to change diapers, plan a fundraiser, build a snowman (sad, right?), use Groupon, and speak a little more Spanish (thanks, Mexico!). But, perhaps the biggest (and most serious) lesson I’ll take away from 2010 is that none of us are guaranteed another day. We have this day, so we should live our lives the way we would like to be remembered tomorrow. So much of our lives are wrapped up in what we will do next week, or what we would like to do/achieve in 5 years…and, that’s ok, we are taught to set goals and work towards them. But, what matters, what really matters, is what we do with the time we have right now.

I guess you could say that this year I realized my own mortality. That sounds incredibly morbid, I know, but it’s the truth. And, maybe it is a bit morbid. Maybe it’s even a bit narcissistic. But, even so, for me – it was an “ah-ha” moment. If my time on earth was over tomorrow, I hope no one would focus on what I didn’t do. Sure, I would want each of you to mourn (significantly, I might add – I’ll be watching), but it’s my hope that you would say, “She laughed, she loved, she gave, she lived.”

My hope for you in 2011 (and much beyond!) is that you resolve to live the fullest life you can every day. Because in the blink of an eye, another year will have passed us by.

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity. The goal is to live a full, productive life even with all that ambiguity. No matter what happens, the important thing is that the days that you have had, you will have lived.”
-Gilda Radner

A dear friend of mine gave birth to a healthy baby boy on her birthday today. Yes, she had a baby on her birthday. And, before you go all “What a wonderful gift” on me, please recognize that I know that. Her little boy is the most precious gift she could ever receive.

That said, her husband better have a really nice present for her after laboring (literally) on her birthday. Something that involves diamonds, perhaps. I’m just sayin’.

All day today, I checked my phone constantly to see how far along my friend was in the birthing process. Here’s a little snippet between me and another single girlfriend:

Anna Beth: Just forwarded you the text I got.
Me: Thanks. Pushing – yuck.
Anna Beth: Exactly.
Me: The only thing I want to push is a cocktail towards me. Or you.

Can you tell that we haven’t exactly found our maternal instinct(s) yet?

My head is killing me, and the cause is undetermined.

It could be because I ate my weight in carbs over the holidays, it could be because this was my first day back at work, or it could be the lingering cologne of someone I encountered today. (20 bucks says it was a Christmas present, and whomever wrapped that gift should be shot. 5 times.)

A carb/non-work hangover with a splash of Stetson. It’s a miracle my head hasn’t exploded by now.