My biggest celebrity crush has long been the adorable Reese Witherspoon, but she is beginning to make me wonder if Emma Stone is my new #1. I was reluctant, yet willing, to overlook her decisions to wear a pink wedding dress (it was a little too Legally Blonde for me) and to give her kid a weird name (Tennessee James sounds more like a liquor drink than a child). But then, last weekend, Reese went and got herself arrested for disorderly conduct. She apologized for her ridiculous behavior (if you haven’t read the police report, go do that, because she acted like a drunk Hollywood diva) but what I’m waiting for is an apology for this mugshot photo:
In case you’re wondering…we’re still at it, folks. I have the best training partner around (he’s easy on the eyes, too), and we are one week away from our goal of running a 5k.
We are reminded each and every time we run, however, that our bodies are still not quite used to this. Sometimes I am convinced that my lungs have collapsed or that my muscles may never heal. If it weren’t for Carrie Underwood’s thighs (I saw those in person last Friday night) and this song, I wouldn’t have made it through last night’s run.
You people who run marathons and half-marathons are sick and twisted.
Dear Teenage Girls,
I realize that anyone who lectures you is wasting their breath, but I’m gonna give it a go. First of all, taking 60 photos of yourself per day is not only annoying, it’s not attractive.
Secondly, documenting every single thing you do is ridiculous. Before Facebook, Instagram and Twitter (those days DID exist), we actually ate ice cream or painted our nails without telling everyone we were doing it. Here’s the thing: Your everyday life is boring. Don’t take that personally, because mine is, too. But I don’t Tweet about mine. If you have something funny to say, say it. But do not, for the love of all that is holy, post that you, “r soooooooooo bored. lol 😉 <3” because no one cares.
I would also appreciate it if you would take some of the makeup off your face (less is more), wear SPF (wrinkles last longer than tan lines), say please and thank you (saying, “I’m good” is not the same as “no thanks”), hold your shoulders back (slouching does not a confident woman make), use spell check and adhere to the following rules when it comes to taking photographs: rule 1) no gang signs, rule 2) no duck faces (whatever happened to smiling at the camera?).
Keep in mind that teenage girls should never listen to teenage boys. They are stupid. They will ask you to do things that are stupid, too, so don’t fall for it. Here’s a little something to remember: if you wouldn’t want what you do/did to be the lead story on the news…don’t do it.
There will come a day in your life when you realize that One Direction’s music sucked and that your attitude towards your parents did, too. Until then, try to be as lady-like as possible. Don’t curse, because at this age, you really don’t have anything to curse about. (Drop the f-bomb later in life when you can’t get detention for it.) Smoking and drinking are obviously not options, and neither are shorts or skirts that don’t cover your behind.
p.s. It’s shocking, I know, but I was your age once. I, too, thought that the world revolved around me. But let me let you in on a little secret: it does not. So get over yourself, put down your iPhone and read a book or something. That iPhone won’t get you into college, sweetheart.
1) There’s nothing quite like a large display of patriotism. Warning, I needed a Kleenex halfway through.
2) Suri Cruise is America’s little celebrity sweetheart, and she has a blog. Ok, not really. Someone far older and far more catty (how catty can a 7-year-old really be?) does, and it is hilarious. (Hat tip to my friend Lauren.)
3) If this doesn’t describe that feeling it perfectly, I don’t know what does.
4) Be happy like this little guy. (Side note: This is what I’ll look like on our beach vacay this year.)
Sometimes, when I need a good laugh (or 20), I go a private place on “the FB” (that’s Facebook for those of you who don’t have an early 20-something around to keep you hip to lingo) that houses many embarrassing photos of my childhood friends.
Thankfully, the photos are not visible to anyone who could bribe us with them. The true mark of a friend is their ability to be loyal, and lucky for us, we all know far too much about each other to even consider the alternative. (Because no matter how old I get, if my mom found out some of the things I did back then, I’d still get grounded.)
The photos contain your typical embarrassing elementary, middle and high school moments – things like – shorts that came down to our knees, bubble suits, bow belts, braces, teased bangs, acne and skorts (I’ve never understood them, and I never will – but I rocked ’em circa 1994-1997). One thing, though, struck me as unusual, and I had to ask my friend Anna Beth just what in the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks we were thinking. Allow me to present the style choice in question:
I have, of course, blurred the faces of my innocent friends above. (The small one in the middle would be me.) Take a long look, folks. Whilst we look to be 45 and headed to some sort of business luncheon in clothes we found at Goodwill, we were, in fact, at our class ring ceremony during our Junior year in high school. And, sadly, this wasn’t the only time we wore suit-like outfits to school. In a few of the photos, we look as if we were about to swing by a corporate interview after work.
It wasn’t until my conversation last week with Anna Beth that I received clarity. Without missing a beat, she said, “Mandi, it was the Ally McBeal era.” Aaaaaaaah. Indeed it was.
- Does anyone else wish the weather would stay this way all year long?
- Does anyone else wonder why Kim Jong-un’s high top fade hair is so aggressive? (Take it down a notch, would ya?)
- Does anyone else have pollen on every inch of their porch and house?
- Does anyone else love the JC Penny commercials? (Especially this one – being a marketing gal myself, my hat’s off to ’em.)
- Does anyone else miss news (like the death of fashion designer Lilly Pulitzer) and blame their friends for not telling them?
- Does anyone else miss small town gossip and blame their friends for not telling them?
- Does anyone else have a strong affection for the color green at the moment?
- Does anyone else wish they had worn more sunscreen as a teenager and 20-something?
- Does anyone else think that snap-chat is stupid? (If someone wants to capture the image, they will just screen shot it, people.)
- Does anyone else like the Arby’s turkey salad as much as I do?
- Does anyone else think it’s sweet how often Bubba Watson (2012 Masters Champion) cries?
- Does anyone else have a knack for remembering where they put things? (I can visualize it, even if I put it there years ago. It’s my hubby’s favorite thing about me.)
- Does anyone else look at their closet and wonder if they could be classified as a hoarder?
- Does anyone else threaten to stop watching the Today Show but can never bring themselves to do it?
- Does anyone else wish it were Friday?