Even though I became unusually domestic this weekend and did things like clean the house and make low-country boil, chicken pie and peanut butter cookies, this typically fits me:
For real. Who needs this kind of judgment?
How we all feel some Mondays:
Facebook has become part of our everyday vocabulary, and most days, I’m glad. It helps us reconnect with old friends and family members, it allows me to see up-to-the-minute photos of my precious niece, and a hilarious status every now and again. But days like today, I loathe that we have the ability to read every little thing that our “friends” post. Sometimes, it shows you who they really are – and that’s not always a pretty sight.
There are many things I tolerate on Facebook, you know, because you have to take the good with the bad. Someone referencing their kid’s boogers and/or poop, a status that rants about the President – or one’s ex, or how much someone hates their job, for example.
I draw the line, however, at people who talk negatively about police officers. It’s simple really – I’m married to a law enforcement officer, and am therefore a tad sensitive to people bashing those who protect people like you and me every day. My husband is head of the SWAT team. He hunts down the worst of the worst criminals and brings them to justice. He risks his own life to protect innocent people every day. A few of my former Facebook friends might not respect that, but I damn sure do.
Ah, February. The month of romance. With it comes Valentine’s Day – a day that greeting card companies, chocolate factories and jewelry stores are eternally grateful for. What started out as a day to exchange a small token of affection for your “love” has turned into an all out national holiday (and is the reason that I can never use pink and red together) where everyone feels the need to post their overpriced flowers on Instagram and Facebook.
In honor of the month of loooooove, I’ll be posting a few famous “love stories” for us to all swoon over. I am a reformed romantic atheist, after all.
First up, Johnny Cash and his beloved June Carter Cash.
“There’s unconditional love there. You hear that phrase a lot but it’s real with me and her. She loves me in spite of everything, in spite of myself. She has saved my life more than once. She’s always been there with her love, and it has certainly made me forget the pain for a long time, many times. When it gets dark and everybody’s gone home and the lights are turned off, it’s just me and her.” -Johnny Cash
Although their love story began in a controversial way (he was still married at the time), they proved to be soulmates. Married 35 years, Johnny Cash died a few months after his wife passed away, and was often famously quoted as saying, “I love June Carter, I do.”
I’ve begun the “Couch to 5k” program. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I prefer, insist rather, on being a couch potato. I don’t trust those exercise freaks out there. Why? Because liking to sweat and having your lungs feel like they are collapsing is not my idea of a good time. So if it’s yours, you’re a little bit “off” in my book. And while I’ll still love ya and hang out with you…I don’t trust you because you’re insane.
The couch part of the program is something I was really good at. Give me my couch, a blanket, our dogs and some Gossip Girl courtesy of Netflix – and I’ll be there for hours on end. Maybe that makes me a little bit off, but I care not.
The training part of the program, however, has been much easier and more fun than I thought it would be. My handsome husband and I are training together, so having a partner who drags me (albeit kicking and screaming) is helpful. We’re scheduled to run a 5k in April, but if I turn into one of those half marathon weirdos after that…someone please pass me a remote.
Does Anyone Else?
The Golden Globes were so two weeks ago, I know. But, I did watch them and I did play fashion critic (per usual) in my living room.
When Kate Hudson hit the red carpet, a part of me wanted to throw my drink at her – and I mean that in a good, jealous-girl way. She was absolutely stunning in a black Alexander McQueen gown. So stunning, in fact, that when she walked on stage as a presenter with Bradley Cooper, I didn’t even notice him. Y’all. I didn’t notice Bradley Cooper.
Katie H, who looks so much like her mama that it’s kind of scary, has been having quite the year. Between being the spokesmodel and designer for Ann Taylor and a new gig on Glee, she has become relevant again – and I, for one, am glad. I fell for her when she starred in Almost Famous, and she’s one of those actresses who I really want to believe is a super cool, non-diva who I could hang out with.
So, who else looked lovely that evening? While Kate was my pick for “best dressed,” I loved all the “J” women: Jennifer Lawrence, Jennifer Garner and Jessica Alba, and also Meghan Fox and Hayden Panettiere.
Coming in dead last were Lucy Liu and Halle Berry, who both looked like they seriously pissed off their stylists. Prints, ladies – they are not your thing. Do us all a favor and hire some new staff before the Oscars. Don’t make me tell you twice.
Last week, my Great Aunt passed away. She was 111 years old. No, that’s not a typo. Born in 1902, she was South Carolina’s oldest resident, and lived through two world wars, the Great Depression and saw the terms of 19 United States Presidents.
A teacher, an artist, a mom, grandmother, aunt, great-grandmother and great-aunt who lived a long and wonderful life and was loved and revered by so many students, family members and friends.
Her grandson wrote the eulogy read at her funeral, and as a gal who’s been to a lot of funerals (my dad owns a funeral home), I have to say that it’s one of the best eulogies I’ve ever heard. Here’s a few paragraphs from it:
“Whenever I have shared with someone Ma-Ma’s age through the years, they invariably wondered at her secret to longevity. My first kidding response is that the secret lies in an occasional glass of homemade blackberry wine. But, I don’t really believe it was a few sips of wine or merely a matter of superb genes that was the source of Ma-Ma’s remarkable span here. Rather, I think the key was in her attitude and outlook. Ma-Ma was always eager to learn and to find something interesting and new in each day. Her nature was to look ever outward. Not that Ma-Ma lacked introspection, nothing could be farther from the truth, but she wanted most to know what you were doing, what you thought, who you were. And she found all of it invariably interesting and worthy. Ma-Ma seemed never consumed by or even overly-interested in her own problems or aches or pains or disappointments. Life, for her, was not about her. It was about all that was around her; both those things past and those very much in the present. Despair, boredom and fear are the things which age and atrophy our bodies, our imaginations, our minds. Ma-Ma made no room for any of it.
Though as Ma-Ma’s grandson I may be blessed with some of her genes for longevity, I do not desire so much the same number of years as she lived as I do the quality of those years. The testament of Ma-Ma’s long life is not, indeed, that she was with us for so long. Instead, the testament is that she filled those years with life through eyes that looked outward on the world with interest and curiosity and acceptance. It was never about her. And it seems to me that such a life, in its own way, embodies the Gospel of Christ. Jesus advocated many things, but among the most important was that we live with a view extending beyond the tips of our own noses; with hearing extending beyond the voices of our own concerns, fears, judgments and doubts; that we not miss the gift of the present in wait of an unknown future. Jesus advocated the outward-looking life. And Ma-Ma lived such a life. It was never about her. And in that example, as well as in the example of her years, lies the lesson. Celebrate her life on this day but, please, do not forget to celebrate also the lives of those sitting right next to you.”
What a eulogy, what a life. May we all be so blessed.
It’s our wedding anniversary today. One year ago, two crazy kids (ok, two crazy folks in their 30’s) decided to get hitched on a Monday night, at home, with our families there. It was perfect.
Those that know us joke that we got married and immediately put ourselves to the test by running for office. I typically laugh it off when people say that, but it’s the damn truth. Political campaigns aren’t for the faint of heart. More on that subject at another time.
Just like every couple, this year has had its ups and downs. It’s been a fun, exhausting, happy, stressful, exciting and amazing year. I wouldn’t trade a single minute of it.
With the holiday season comes many wonderful things. Christmas decorations and music, yummy baking, holiday parties, spiked eggnog, etc. The one thing the season brings, however, that makes me cringe is…that a-hole called the “Elf on the Shelf.”
Before you hop to passing judgement on me, please note that 1) I don’t give a damn what you think and 2) I realize that almost every kid has one and that it creates happy memories. Now please refer back to #1.
The Elf on the Shelf was created so kids would behave – “he” watches what you do and reports back to Santa. Yet, the elf is naughty when the kids aren’t around. He does things like “makes it snow” on your dining room table by throwing baking soda everywhere. Holy contradiction. Be good, children! Don’t dare be like your naughty and hilarious elf. Yeah, good luck with that. Try smoking weed in front of your kids and then telling them not to do it. They will definitely be high school dropouts. Really, what kind of normal parents have time for crap like that? I can barely keep up with the laundry and making sure the couch isn’t covered in dog hair, much less make a mess, blame it on an elf, take photos of it to put on Facebook so everyone can see what a fun parent I am…and then clean up the mess I, er – the Elf, made. Even if I had the time, I’d fill it with something else. Like getting my nails done, or cooking. Or getting my nails done.
Kids have a hard enough time dealing with the fact that their parents lied to them about Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, etc. Throw in an Elf who interacts with you the entire month of December…and I’m pretty sure you’ll be paying for counseling later.
A good friend of mine sent me this blog post a year ago, and it made me laugh out loud numerous times. It includes an annoying 101 Fun Ideas to do with your Elf list. Enjoy, and remember – it’s not the Elf your kids should be worried about watching them. It’s you. Or, Jesus. Don’t give that little sh*t so much power.
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